Dear Town Near Me – YOU CAN JOIN THE GYM IN MONTHS OTHER THAN JANUARY YOU KNOW.

Dear Spin Class – Why come if you’re not going to put some bloody effort in?

Dear Man In A Van – If it was so important for you to be in front of me why didn’t it occur to you to put your fucking foot down a bit after you’d pulled out and made me slow down?

Dear Weather – For christ sake – make up your mind!

Dear Multiple Personality Disorder Person – You do my fricken swede in… a moment in your time is like doing the Hokey Cokey wearing one trainer and one stilletto heel with a strap and a buckle around the ankle but not doing the buckle up.

Dear Waster – I hate the way you throw money away like it’s the insignificant cellophane wrapping on a packet of cigarettes.  I can’t tollerate your disregard for the precious resources available to you, food, utilities, petrol. You don’t need as much as you throw away. Greedy. Think.

Dear Local Government – Enough of your utterly ridiculous offensive buzzwords created to ‘flower up’ something particularly mundane in an effort to make it sound modern and exciting. You’re insulting my intelligence.

Dear Corporate Wankeries – it would be best to sell something at a cut price than to get no money for it at all… talk about cutting your nose off to spite your faceless entity. I hope the recession kicks you square in the collective douchery.

Dear Beko CEO – I still want you to come to my house and allow me to *dry* your clothes on the *ready to wear* setting on this SHITTY ASS white goods storage facility taking up 9 cubed feet in my kitchen.

Yours sincerely

Foxsden (Ms)