I dropped the boy off for a swim last night whilst I went running with the club for an hour. We did 800m laps of a street with a slight hill on it and I managed two and a half before my hamstring made a funny sensation and then tightened from my ass to the back of my knee. I stopped and stretched while I waited for everyone to come back to the starting point.

I don’t know how I’m meant to be training for this duathlon we’ve entered on the 29th Nov. Every time I put some effort in my hamstrings react like a plastic bag in a hot oven.

I imagined my hamstrings to be like the elastic pulled out of the waistband of a pair of saggy old knickers from 1970 that belonged to a size 24 lady (who was a size 12 when she originally bought them). But I’m changing that opinion for if they were that loose they wouldn’t keep pulling. Pirate legs – that’s what I’ve got – wooden pirate legs for hamstrings.

Is this what you get for a lifetime of ‘keeping fit’?